Host Amelia Phillips answers our listener questions with simple hacks and products she loves. Today she answers questions on how to effectively manage kids screen time, some quick fixes for tight backs and what to do when your relationship is going through a rough patch. If you have a question you can contact her below.
Stretches:
Strength:
Below is an unedited transcript of the podcast episode:
Welcome to another Ask Me Anything episode on Healthy Her. I just love doing these because I get to connect with you, my lovely listeners. I mean, it’s one thing to have these amazing guests on my show who always impart such beautiful wisdom, but also to feel like I’m connecting with you guys just makes my heart.
So in talking about connection, I’d also love to encourage you to subscribe to my show so you get alerted each time a new episode drops. And the best way to connect with me is of course, on Instagram or over email. You can check out my show notes for all the links and details there. Let’s get straight into it.
I’ve got a question today from Beth Struthers. Hi Beth. Any advice regarding sore tight backs? I constantly have one. Oh and does the rest of the world. There’s no injury there that I’m aware of. I’ve had that checked, but I just can’t seem to loosen it up. Any tips Appreci. Okay. Well Beth, obviously we would need a lot more information to understand exactly what’s going on, but I’m just gonna give you some kind of overarching principles when it comes to type backs.
Number one, children are absolutely horrible for backs, whether you’re in that young baby stage where you’re literally constantly bending forwards, whether you’re breastfeeding, bending down, picking them. Or horribly twisting. But often what can happen is even if your child is well and truly into their school years, some of the legacy of back issues from being pregnant and having your abdominals stretched during pregnancy can linger.
Things like the hyper lordosis, which is where you see that S bend in your back being exaggerated, which happens throughout pregnancy. And also as we get older, weakened abdominals because of just literally the trauma they go through carrying a baby and also weakened glutes, usually with back pain. And this is a generalization.
Usually what we need to do is we need to strengthen the weak muscles and we need to stretch the tight ones. And just doing this goes a long way to alleviate a lot of back pain. So when it comes to tight muscles, we need to stretch our lower back. Okay. And that is with what I call the twisty stretch. You can Google it.
It’s where you’re literally laying on your back on the. And you’re bending your, let’s say you bend your left knee. So imagine you’re laying on the back on the floor, You bend your left knee and then you take your right hand, put it on that left knee, and you twist that knee across your body so the knee gets close to the ground.
Meanwhile, you look over your left shoulder, so you’re getting that real back twist, taking eight or nine really deep breaths during that. So the twisty stretch is a great one to stretching out the lower back your pecs, which are your chest muscles, often really, really tight, particularly if you’ve got big bazookas.
Or you’re spending a lot of time at your desk, so stretching out your pecs, stretching out your hip flexes. And I have to say hip flexes are tight. Hip flexes are a really common cause of back pain because your sous muscle, which goes through from the front of your femur bone all the way through to your back.
We’ll literally tilt your pelvis forward and put your back in that tight position. So stretching out your hip, flexes, and finally, hamstrings. So lower back pecs, hip flexes, and hamstrings. Give those a really, really, really good stretch. Then we need to strengthen our middle and lower traps, which are basically between your shoulder.
Don’t get confused with the upper traps, which is the big, bulky muscle between your ear and your shoulder. You wanna do middle and lower traps, and the angel pose against the wall is a really great way to do that. Also, getting a ball like a tennis ball or a golf ball laying on your back on the floor and putting it between your shoulder blades and rolling around in absolute agony.
So that’s strengthening those middle and lower traps. Strengthening your core and strengthening your glutes. Core and glutes go hand in hand cuz they are often really weak, um, with a sore back or after having kids look a really rudimentary but great core exercise to start with is the plank. A good tip if you can hold a plank for two minutes, you’ve usually got a pretty strong core.
If you can’t just hold it for the length of time that you feel comfortable. Have a quick break but accumulate up to your two minutes. So there is a very fast overview of some things you can do for your tight sore back. Okay, moving on, Irena. What are your tips for managing screen time with the kids?
Sometimes I wonder if all the arguing is worth it. Oh my goodness. It is so relentless and it’s not like the argument you had last week helps at all with this week. It’s almost like every week the slate is white clean and you’ve gotta start the arguments all over again. But I will say yes, it is absolutely worth.
If you look at the rate of mental distress amongst children and teenagers, and you look at the rate of smartphone use on a growth chart, they mirror each other. So as smartphone usage increased, mental distress amongst the use, increased, they literally are related and it’s quite scary to be honest.
Things like negative self talk, interpersonal skills. Cyber bullying, comparisons, negative interactions, all of those things are exacerbated with the use of screens and smartphones, and also just the fact that it dis displaces other activities. What are those other activities that the kid could be doing?
Is it creativity, drawing, coloring? Is it reading? Is it bored? Kids need to be bored. I, they need to kind of start to use their imagination, but hello. I am a mom. I’ve got four kids. I totally get it. My son, the latest is he wants to get into Roblox and he wants Roblox because he said his little character on Roblox is so.
Boring because all these friends have paid robots to get these great skins or whatever it is, and I feel the pressure. I interviewed David Gillespie on, I think it was episode 25, on managing screen Timing kids. That’s a really interesting one. But look, I’m just gonna tell you kind of the balance between, you know, the science and the recommendations and also what I do, and I’m definitely not perfect.
But firstly, I separate our regular weekly routine from unusual circumstances because as I’m answer, Here. I had a sick kid at home last week who had hours and hours a day of screen time, So, but I’m gonna park that and just focus on your everyday regular routine. I reckon we should aim to stick to the national recommendations.
They’re there for a reason, which are not to two year olds have zero screen time with the exception of FaceTiming as in connecting to grandparents or relatives. Three to five year olds up to an hour a day, and then six year olds onwards up to two hours a day. Now, personally for my family, What I find works easiest and stops the most amount of fighting is I actually have zero screen time.
Monday to Friday. I just, I tried to police the one or two hours a day, and it just ended up in tears and arguments. So now I’m just, you know, what, Monday to Friday, no screen time and they don’t ask for it anymore, so that’s amazing. I find that works. And when they do have to use a screen, say for homework, or if you are letting them do something on their screen, David Gillespie gave me this tip, and it’s to use a desktop or at least you know, something that is secured on a table so they don’t have an iPad or a phone that they can take into their room or that they can move around with.
It’s like, no, you’re sitting on this desk. I mean, David goes a step further and says it’s gotta be somewhere out in the. So that they’re on a desktop as opposed to carrying it around. And I’m the same. I make my kids kind of sit on our big desktop. For those that are getting to that sort of, you know, asking for a phone stage.
I think a smart watch is a really interesting way to buy yourself a couple of extra years. Because usually the argument is you as a parent, you wanna be able to get in touch with your kid. If you get them a smart watch, you can always text each other and call each other. You know where they are using.
For example though, you know, find my iPhone, find my watch. You know where your child is, but they don’t go that extra mile. I think every year you can delay. Getting a phone is better. Teenagers. David says things like, you pay the bills, so you set the rules. If they break those rules, i e, they were meant to have their phone on, but they weren’t well then there needs to be a consequence.
He also says, Absolutely no phones in the bedroom. Now those of you with older teenagers, you’re probably laughing right now saying, Yeah, right. Wait till your kids are teenagers and trying to police it. I’ve also heard of burner phones. They just go and get themselves a, you know, hidden burner phone. Oh my goodness.
All of this, you know, don’t ask me cuz I’m not there. , but I’m certainly gonna try to have the no phones in the bedrooms until a certain age, and also at the table at dinner time as well. What if they say, But I’m missing out socially. You know, my friends are playing this game and I wanna connect with my friends.
Well, we know that screens reduces interpersonal skills, so, We know that this is kind of a moot point. Kids will get used to the fact that some of my friends are logged on, some of my friends are not logged on. Little Johnny after 5:00 PM his parents never let him online. It’s just one of those things, as a parent, we can’t buy into that emotional blackmail.
So yes, I personally think the fights are worth it, and I think that hard and fast rules that are kind of not negotiable with Kidd. Well, certainly with my kids, I just find it takes the anxiety out of it cuz they know that I said no. Last week, I’m gonna say no this week. I feel like it sounds a little bit all or harsh, but I think for me, screen hygiene is a really important factor for mental and physical health.
So keep at it, but I hear you horrible.
Okay. Question three, Mickey F. My husband and I have been going through a rough patch, feeling very distant from each other, disagreeing. Life pressures, family pressures. We still love each other, but it really feels like we are work colleagues. Oh yeah. Not life partners. Gosh, how many of you feel like that with your.
Do you think it’s just the stage of life with young kids or is something deeper going on? Well, I’m definitely not qualified to answer this, but I will just relay some of the learnings I’ve had in some of the interesting psychologists I’ve been speaking to. Actually, as a little side note, I almost did a 12 week transformation on relationships a couple of years.
On one of the reality dating shows, I won’t say which one or which psychologist, but they approached me and said, I wanna do the 12 week body transformation equivalent of the 12 week relationship program. And we actually went a really long way down the line until the network put the kibosh on, it wouldn’t let this person do it.
It would’ve been such a great 12 week relationship course. So I’m gonna impart some of the tips that he gave me that we kind of baked into this program. Definitely no doubt that life pressures play an absolutely huge part, especially Covid, and you’re not alone, Mickey. But the one thing he said is, look at your fight styles.
And recognize if you have toxic fight styles and kind of have like a word or a signal when you can feel yourself a conversation going into that red zone and making sure that you don’t allow the conversation to get to that point where you get in that toxic red zone. He spoke a lot about the power of these small daily rituals over really big gestures.
So often we fall into this trap of, Oh, we just need to go on a big holiday together. We just need to have that amazingly romantic night out, six weeks down the track, or never gonna happen. He’s like, it’s actually these small little sn, snackable daily rituals that will create the most connection. And that’s what really we’re aiming for with our relationships, is that intimate connection that we feel rather than a work relationship.
So he said hellos and goodbyes. Have a little chat to you partner. Say, Look, I’m not feeling connected. Just make sure when we walk in the room, at the end of the day, we actually stop and look at each other in the eye and say hello. And the same with goodbyes. Don’t just race out the door frustrated, but actually say a proper goodbye.
A cuddle, a kiss, a tap on the should or whatever it is. Eating together is a really powerful way, just making sure. Do we sit down as a family and eat? Do we take that moment to just stop and just enjoy each other’s company. Mini dates, and I love this idea of where can you in your house create just a 10, 15 minute mini moment.
It could be after the kids are in bed and instead of just jumping straight on the couch, you’ve got a balcony or you’ve got a little area or another spot on the couch. We can just sit down, honey, before we go into our Netflix show or before you disappear into your phone, let’s just stop. Tell me how are you, Talk to me about you.
What’s going on in your inner. He also spoke about the six second kiss. He goes, Give your partner a six second kiss. Actually kiss for six second you’ll, You’ll crack up laughing. But how many times have we actually properly had a six second kiss? Which I thought that was really fun one, and I did have quite a lot of fun with Tim playing around with that.
The other warning he had was about technology, and he said it’s one of the biggest risks to relationships, especially when both of you have a different relationship with technology. One of you might be that phone obsessed person that’s got your face in the phone and the other one might not be, and someone might be bidding for connection.
He called it bids for connection, where you’ll literally the partner be Honey, you know, How’s your. They’re fubbing you, they’re phone snobbing you. So just be really aware whether you are the perpetrator or the victim here of fubbing and technology, if that’s getting in the way of your connection. And then yeah, finally just, I mentioned it earlier, but understanding their inner world.
What is really going on for your partner right now? And are you understanding and really getting under the skin of what that inner world is? Because often you find if you get into their inner world, they will then come back into your inner world. So just a few random tips there. I hope a couple of them might have stuck with you, but you’re certainly not alone.
And please stick. Be honest with your partner, and I always find coming from a place of love, starting the conversation from that place of love is always a great way to. So that’s it for Ask Me Anything. Thanks so much guys, and I will see you in the booth very soon.
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